The benefit of working with a conscious family advisor is that you are supported through an emotional process as you receive family business and wealth advisory services.
The interpersonal dynamics of family systems are often left out of the advisory process, to the detriment of many estate plans. Without taking into consideration the emotional landscape of the family members, many structural (legal, financial) plans aren’t worth the paper they are printed on.
Emotions are tough to deal with, especially when it comes to sensitive issues that haven’t been addressed over lifetimes. In such cases, a conscious family advisor – one that demonstrates patience, empathy, and kindness and understands family systems – is essential.
Some examples of emotional issues that arise in the succession process
The founder trying to get inheritors to understand his/her thinking on the selection of a successor and handling the emotional resistance that may be forthcoming from his other children or spouse as a result of his/her choice
The feelings of entitlement of an inheritor who believes that he/she should get ownership or a majority share of the operating business because he/she worked in it all his life
The frustration felt by the youngest child, who is treated as the ‘baby’ and isn’t taken seriously or considered an equal to elder siblings when the family business is being discussed
The long seated resentments when there have been historical incidences of violence or abuse in the family system, and the idea of a sibling partnership is unfathomable
The apathy or resistance felt by women who are treated as "less than" their brothers in the succession process
The helplessness in selecting a lawyer or an institution (strangers to your family) as trustees because you can’t think of anyone else
When tensions are high in situations like this, irrational decisions and actions are highly probable.
The example of selecting a successor
Let’s take the example of the first case. The founder might keep their chosen successor in the dark and plan for them to find out at the reading of their will or last wishes to avert conflict. In addition to this form of avoidance being a recipe for shock and resentment (from those not selected and perhaps also from the successor), it flies against the values of inclusivity, openness, and transparency that are necessary for effective decision-making and communication in a family business especially at the time of the founder’s death. There should be no surprises.
Not communicating their choice clearly and with enough time to work through to a resolution can result in the ostracization of their chosen successor by other family members, with consequences for the ownership and business systems at the time of wealth transfer. The founder might feel that they are in a double bind. A conscious advisor will discern the pattern and root of the communication challenge. They will guide the founder to generate and explore practical and effective options. What is the communication challenge? What is it that is needs to be communicated? How is what needs to be said communicated?
A conscious advisor recognizes that family is an emotional unit and it might be easier to communicate with some family members than with others. Yet, in the spirit of inclusiveness, openness and transparency, they will coach the founder to communicate what is most difficult.
This is how I work as a conscious family advisor
I will help you to address conflicts, power struggles, and communication challenges in order to articulate your values and needs and also enable you to listen to those of others. Thinking systemically, we work towards collaborative solutions that align with business and ownership strategies.
I bring a lot of empathy into my role as an advisor because I know how isolating and damaging it can be when the concerns of any family member are dismissed in favor of a dominant coalition. Founders can also feel isolated as they make decisions around their successor and may opt to hold their cards close to their chest until the very end. Last-borns and women can also be isolated in a family system.
I apply genealogy, family systems theory, family communications patterns theory, and birth order theory to help you find your place and voice, based on an analysis of your family system. This expertise is essential to giving deeper insight and access to solutions to communicating the family level.
Sign up for a consultation to learn more about how I can work with you and your family!
You can read more about Be Bold’s approach at www.bbold.co.ke and email info@bbold.co.ke to contact Wanja Michuki.
© 2023 Wanja Yvonne Janice Maria Michuki, Be Bold Consulting & Advisory Ltd.